babies in a pandemic…
Babies in a pandemic…
I could have never imagined how difficult it would be. How many mixed emotions it would bring. I always dreamed of being a mom and then we were blessed with two babies!
It breaks my heart that most of our family have not even met our babies, let alone held them. It makes me so sad that I see these incredible changes and growth in our little ones and the people we love the most can’t experience it with us.
The confusion of this pandemic hits us all in so many different ways and it’s the confusion that causes me so much anxiety and sadness.
It started from the NICU days when the midwives and doctors said “make sure you get rest, it’s really important for you to take it easy, try not to walk around too much or you’ll keep bleeding” etc… while the NICU nurses said, “It’s important for you to be here with the babies, they do better when you can hold them, make sure to keep pumping, try to breastfeed (all while going between 2 hospitals and without the help of my partner because we had to each be with one baby).
I just kept thinking, how can I let myself heal while also being there for the babies? How can I do everything that everyone is telling me to do? It felt like losing.a battle and that I was always doing something wrong.
Now that we’re home, the messaging we got from the midwives, nurses and doctors was, “make sure you have help! Accept all the help you can get! Don’t do it all on your own” and at the same time “keep your babies safe, don’t let anyone in your house or within 6 feet of the babies, don’t let people hold the babies, it’s a stay at home order and lock down.”
So here I sit with confusion and sadness during the happiest days of our lives. The mixed emotions are real, the loneliness is real, the constant feeling of never being able to please everyone is real.
I am sending all of my love to anyone who is struggling during this time, especially those pregnant or with newborns at home. This journey is hard and even harder during this pandemic. Be gracious with each other and soak in the beautiful moments.